Still Finding My Voice

hr-bloggerI have been a writer for as long as I can remember. As achild I wrote;  poems that did not rhyme (at the time I thought they did), stories with misspelled words, haiku’s with too many lines and surplus amounts of syllables, songs/music lacking melody, four page letters like Aaliyah (which no eyes other than mine ever saw), and so on and so forth. I have always been a writer. In time and with practice I gained comfort and recognizedmy talent. I fed my passion for words with words. Never on a quest for perfection of my words. I wrote based on survival. My soul thrived and healed from my writing even when the writing was filled with grammatical errors and imperfections. I continued to write until I got it right.

Many years later I am still a writer. And most recently I have become a blogger. I am a blogger searching for my voice. On the hunt for my message. Teachings and lessons that only can be found in the symphony of my words. I am writing and searching. I say all this to say… Although I may be all over the place by way of topics, andI have not yet been tagged or ticketed under one subject matter or another…I am a blogger and I am still a writer. I will continue to write and share with you while I am still finding my voice.

The Sound of Music

Music In The Heart
The Sound of Music to the Heart

Every place you turn on social media there are quotes that some would deem profound. Phrases considered as little nuggets of wisdom to live by. I myself find help, encouragement, and inspiration reading these quotes from time to time. I am just young (old) enough to remember a time before social media was so prominent. I lived in an era where the sound of music and song lyrics were words to live by.

Music still is a very vital and important part of our culture and my own day to day life. Today is the anniversary of things less than desirable and life altering in the worst way. But I have managed to ride atop the waves of the tsunami of pain that threatens to swallow me whole by listening to music. One of my best friends offered me her support and aid so many times this week. Her most heartfelt and kind offering was to come over and watch The Sound of Music starring Julie Andrews. This kind love filled gesture surpassed every part of my aching being and touched me right to the center of my heart. The sound of music (literally not the movie) is a healer. I am a writer a lover of words and sound combinations that move me. Although I am not willing to share the source of my pain with you today I am indeed going to share. I would like to share a playlist of songs that make me feel something. Some of the songs you may recognize others may be from indie pop artists you have never heard of. But all of them if you take the time to listen to the sound of the music have the potential to make you feel.

music mixtape

  1. Rehab- Rihanna
  2. Hurt- Christina Aguilera
  3. Tsunami- Res
  4. Dirty Laundry- Kelly Rowland
  5. Waves- Mr. Probz ft Chris Brown, T.I.
  6. Autumn Leaves- Chris Brown
  7. Suitcase- Emeli Sande
  8. Disappear- Beyonce
  9. This Time- John Legend
  10. Where I stood- Missy Higgins
  11. You lost me- Christina Aguilera
  12. Clown- Emeli Sande
  13. I never told you- Colbie Caillat
  14. Take Care- Drake (Full Album)
  15. Flaws and All- Beyonce

heart-ipod-love-music-pink-Favim.com-117746_large

Hurt by Christina Aguilera

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ohhh ohhh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you’ve done
Forgive all your mistakes
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you, but I know you won’t be there

I’m sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn’t do
And I’ve hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside, but I won’t admit
Sometimes I just want to hide ’cause it’s you I miss
You know it’s so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I’m sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn’t do
And I’ve hurt myself

If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I’ve missed you since you’ve been away

Oh, it’s dangerous
It’s so out of line to try to turn back time

I’m sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn’t do
And I’ve hurt myself

By hurting you

Build A Fortress Around Your Positivity

Humans are emotional beings. Not just women (contrary to popular chauvinistic beliefs) but the entire human race.  We thrive off of emotions. These emotions are given and received in the form of verbal communication and body language between one another. We internalize these interactions and process these encounters as energy. Both negative and positive.  We exchange energy with each-other sometimes purposely and other times unintentionally.

How often have you been having a really great day and suddenly someone makes one rude comment or does one single pet peeve of yours and it robs you of your pleasant attitude and casts a cloud of negativity over your mood for the remainder of your day? Ex: “Oh girl, you have gained so much weight!”  The sting of the insult will hit you immediately.  But it will be  the after burn that lingers  and quietly attacks your positive energy repeatedly. Never-mind that A. Most insults are self reflective of the insult-er. And B. There almost always has to be a pre-existing insecurity within ourselves in order for an insult to be able to reach us in a way that affects the way we feel.

Sometimes it can be a series of events that renders you grumpy or somber. You wake up late, you can’t find your keys, you step in dog poop (and you don’t even have a dog), someone parks in your space at work, and to add insult to injury you have toilette tissue hanging from your underwear that no one bothered to mention until lunchtime. That chain of mishaps could kill even Gandhi’s vibe.

What about the energy robbers that come in the form of family and close friends?  Let us not be so naive as to assume that energy robbers are all dressed in red with two horns and a pitch fork. Sometimes the people who you look to for encouragement, love, and support can  you leave you feeling used, judged, or discouraged instead. You know why?  Because the people that  you love the most and know you best have the most access to your energy and place of peace. These are people that you trust and welcome into your mental space. They don’t have to breach the walls of security that you have built around your positivity. In some instances we build our positivity around them and their opinions of us. Wrong and ugly when you see it written out but none the less true. The family members that always make you travel the distance to interact with them.  It’s always your turn to buy/and or cook dinner. Hey, family time is priceless especially when its at your expense. The friends that sneak in jovial jabs and launch attacks on your personal character wrapped up in polite tones. The disrespectful comments disguised by light laughs and sly smiles. They carry out kamikaze missions on your train of thought and you don’t even recognize you’ve been affected until they are long gone. You are left only replaying the series of events that took place and assessing the loss of positive energy and energy in general.

How do you build a fortress around your positivity? You can’t cut off all human interactions and live blissfully in seclusion. Can you? How do you protect your peace in the shuffle of shenanigans that we call life? Every instance of threatened frustration and unnerving encounters are necessary nuisances. Sometimes the destination is the journey. The true meaning of peace is the ability to maintain your focus on what is positive in the midst of all that poses the potential to be negative around you. Peace is the practice of disallowing negative energy, people, or things to penetrate the fortress you have built around your positivity.

It starts with perspective. Looking at things from a different outlook than your instinctive reaction or trained thought process. So, you stepped in dog poop. Train your mind to immediately search for the positive. Hey; atleast I have two working feet to be able step in dog poop. Well, you walked around with toilette tissue hanging from your bottom. Appreciate the comfort in knowing that people can now be certain you have a clean bottom. These are all comical and dramatic examples I know. But the point is to create the habit of finding the positive in all situations and focus on that.  Strengthen the core of your being and the center of your thought process around constantly being, thinking, and living positively. The idea is to build up an automatic response pattern of being so positive that negative things are unable to reach the peace that rests in your center. It starts from the core of your being outward. Conditioning yourself to instinctively protect your positivity.

 

“Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart….” ~author unknown