hnovember

He is resting on top of my feet, his body warming them through the covers. He is watching a colorful rendition of the alphabet play on the computer screen and I am watching him. Today is the last day of October and I cannot help but be reminded of the beauty that November has given me. He is my November baby. With his birthday only days away I become so nostalgic in this moment. Everything about this time of year reminds me of the best time of my life. Every moment with him for the past three years have been abundantly blessed and truly amazing. He has been more to me than just my son. Many times he has been my only sun in the midst of countless dark clouds. He has been a teacher and taught me lessons that I could never have learned in a life alone. He has brought me peace in a wild, crazy, and chaotic kind of way. He has brought me hope. He has come here to become something so grand although he is still so small just yet. He is a contradiction to the cliche’ that nothing is perfect. Because he is perfect. His laughter heals. His smile soothes. His eyes speak words unspoken. His presence is a present. He knows these truths. There are no expectations placed upon him and somehow he manages to surpass every supposition. November is his anniversary. Let the celebrations begin.

#HELLONOVEMBER

#nablopomo

#nanowrimo

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For the past three years I have dedicated myself to my son and nothing more. In doing this I have sometimes (often) neglected myself and my needs. Although I have a clear understanding of the perils in making this choice I justify it by saying “motherhood=sacrifice”. I have not been out on a date or in the company of anyone since I was three months pregnant with him. He will be three years old next month.

Last night I went to dinner with a close friend of mine whom I had not seen since before I gave birth to my son. My friend had not been introduced to me as a mom. The only memories that lay between us were those of me as a single, free, and adventurous woman. This cautious woman that sat across the table cutting meat into little pieces,assisting this tiny person with holding his drink, and wiping crumbs from his mouth must have seemed like a stranger to my friend. I caught my friend looking across the table in what seemed to be a range of emotions from surprised, to disbelief, and maybe even a little amazement.

In the midst of watching me be a mom for the first time, my friend still somehow managed to treat me like the woman that I once was. I felt like myself again for the first time in a long time. Every worry and care, stress and struggle in my life had no meaning in those moments. We were two friends catching up on life with the company of a pleasant and well behaved little person.

My friend won my son over during dinner by playing swords and drums with chopsticks, racing crayons across the children’s men, and just talking to him and acknowledging him as an individual and a guest at the dinner table. Meanwhile I was also spoken to and treated as an individual and catered to with each and every one of my needs attended to. It was different being taken care of.

For me being a mother ushered in so many changes. Changes in my priorities, the way I dress, my body, the way I feel about myself just to name a few. The feeling of being glamorous and beautiful has seemed to escape me. Last night although I was draped in my usual all black apparel from head to toe with not an inch of makeup or lip-gloss on I felt like a beauty queen. I felt beautiful by the way that my friend stared directly into my eyes and not for one second focused on the pounds I’ve gained the clothes I wore or the ponytail dawned on my head. My friend used the windows of my soul to see into me.

At the end of the night I was hugged tightly and held closely. For three years I have managed to overlook the aching of loneliness and the pain of being touched until that moment. Just a simple sincere hug soothed what I did not know was ailing. An embrace that made me feel safe, protected, and cared for. Smelling the scent of another human being and taking in the aroma of their cologne made me feel alive. Funny how the smallest gestures of kindness can open your eyes to so much.

Half Marathon Runner

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It’s official. My running partner and I have officially made it to and survived the semi-big leagues. Last Saturday we ran our first half marathon after two months of hard core training and one year of 5k’s. It was a surreal feeling crossing the finish line and joining and elite group of runners. We are half marathon runners. A title that I now realize needs no explanation. Those that do understand. Those that don’t wouldn’t get it anyway.

#RunningLife #SweatPink

Headlines

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On any given day the media will display headlines covering child support battles of the rich and famous. If you are a roamer of social media as most of us are it is not unlikely that you will stumble across a rant from a celebrities’ child’s mother reading off a host of issues they have with a father who is in the spotlight. The number one qualm being money; not enough money to be exact. Just yesterday I read six different articles based on a “single” mother expressing her feelings about not receiving enough money, time, or attention from the famous father of her child. A teen mom star turning her nose up at $1700 a month in child support stipend, the mother of a singers child upset about $2500 a month in child support, an athlete airing his own dirty laundry against a mother of several of his children whom he gives a stipend of $20,000 a month, a young lady acting out of spite, anger, and seemingly desperation to get the attention of her sons father who has been successful for years but recently joined the cast of a popular show and she now wants her son to have a piece of that pie and seemingly her fifteen minutes of fame.

But what about us? What about the everyday single mothers in the world? The ones of us that make up the majority that receive $0 a month in child support and no acknowledgement of the existence of our children? What about the warrior women that wear the shields of a mother and a father daily and carry the load of parenting their child alone day in and day out? Who will be our voice? Where are the headlines shining light on our plight? We don’t receive so much as crumbs to scoff at much less than thousands to be unappreciative of. It is just us supporting our children off the fruits of our labor and sometimes just barely by the skin of our teeth. There are no headlines featuring us or articles written about us. We do our due diligence in peace and quiet and focus only our children.

No judgment towards any mother regardless of the social or financial status of the fathers of their children. But this article is not for the ones with exceptional circumstances. Or is it? Maybe shedding light on the many of us who don’t have the luxury or option of support will maybe make them a little quicker to show gratitude and less reluctant to express anger and dissatisfaction.

For the single mothers out there doing it alone; this one is for you. This is to remind you single mom that you are enough, you are acknowledged, and you are making the tough decisions that make the world of your child go round. As single mothers we have a right to go through a rainbow of feelings day in and day out towards our situations as long as we still manage to show nothing but unconditional love and support towards our children.  We all go through all of the stages of grief when dealing with an absentee parent; grief, anger, confusion, a brief moment of peace and then the cycle repeats itself and you are right back at where you began sad and angry. It’s ok to live in the moment of each of those feelings briefly. But do not allow your personal anger and emotions to urge you to act out. Always be kind, gracious, and informed. Know your rights and pursue financial support through the courts when you have tried all other logical options and simple verbal communication has failed you. When  (if) you take those steps down to the courthouse do so with an attitude of respect for all parties involved including yourself, your child, as well as the child’s absent parent. Harbor no hard feelings in your heart towards the lesser only love and a small level of pity towards the fact they have chosen not to be present and share in the day to day light of your blessings. Housing negative feelings and harboring resentment will only add dead weight to your already heavy load. Never speak derogatory words or cast ill wishes towards the absentee in public, in private, and above all in front of your children. We all want to sometimes. We, although super women, are still yet only human with emotions. But I promise you humility and graciousness will sew more good seeds and blessings for your children than a big check. They are watching your steps and mimicking your mannerisms. Teach them the right way.

Be encouraged each and every day. Even on the days when money is tight, times are you tough, and your toddler or teen is having tantrums stay positive. Trust and know that your body was built for this. You are a carrier and promoter of life therefore the power that lies dormant in you is enough to forge through any obstacles life may throw your way. To the moms that work one, two and sometimes three jobs, the moms that go to school, the moms that are just trying to figure out how to put the pieces of their hearts back together and re-join society know; everything is going to be fine. Your child is going to be fine. And although some days the trails feel like they are far greater than the triumphs, the fact that you are still going means that you are still surviving. You are training your children by example to be tenacious and self-sufficient. Preparing them for life and instilling in them priceless characteristics that bread success. Although there may not be many headlines or spotlights shining on your struggle; there are two pairs or however many sets of eyes that your children have that are always focused on and looking up to you.

Hello Fall…

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Hello Fall…

Each year I anticipate your arrival for months and months on end. In summer I weap for you dropping salty tears of sweat from my entire being. In spring I watch all of Gods creatures pair up and make love and new life but not I. I wait for you.  I long for you and miss your cool breeze kissing my skin. In winter I chill and reflect on the thoughts of each of your beautiful hues. Welcome back fall. There is no better time to be alive than in fall.

I missed you.

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Still Finding My Voice

hr-bloggerI have been a writer for as long as I can remember. As achild I wrote;  poems that did not rhyme (at the time I thought they did), stories with misspelled words, haiku’s with too many lines and surplus amounts of syllables, songs/music lacking melody, four page letters like Aaliyah (which no eyes other than mine ever saw), and so on and so forth. I have always been a writer. In time and with practice I gained comfort and recognizedmy talent. I fed my passion for words with words. Never on a quest for perfection of my words. I wrote based on survival. My soul thrived and healed from my writing even when the writing was filled with grammatical errors and imperfections. I continued to write until I got it right.

Many years later I am still a writer. And most recently I have become a blogger. I am a blogger searching for my voice. On the hunt for my message. Teachings and lessons that only can be found in the symphony of my words. I am writing and searching. I say all this to say… Although I may be all over the place by way of topics, andI have not yet been tagged or ticketed under one subject matter or another…I am a blogger and I am still a writer. I will continue to write and share with you while I am still finding my voice.

The Sound of Music

Music In The Heart
The Sound of Music to the Heart

Every place you turn on social media there are quotes that some would deem profound. Phrases considered as little nuggets of wisdom to live by. I myself find help, encouragement, and inspiration reading these quotes from time to time. I am just young (old) enough to remember a time before social media was so prominent. I lived in an era where the sound of music and song lyrics were words to live by.

Music still is a very vital and important part of our culture and my own day to day life. Today is the anniversary of things less than desirable and life altering in the worst way. But I have managed to ride atop the waves of the tsunami of pain that threatens to swallow me whole by listening to music. One of my best friends offered me her support and aid so many times this week. Her most heartfelt and kind offering was to come over and watch The Sound of Music starring Julie Andrews. This kind love filled gesture surpassed every part of my aching being and touched me right to the center of my heart. The sound of music (literally not the movie) is a healer. I am a writer a lover of words and sound combinations that move me. Although I am not willing to share the source of my pain with you today I am indeed going to share. I would like to share a playlist of songs that make me feel something. Some of the songs you may recognize others may be from indie pop artists you have never heard of. But all of them if you take the time to listen to the sound of the music have the potential to make you feel.

music mixtape

  1. Rehab- Rihanna
  2. Hurt- Christina Aguilera
  3. Tsunami- Res
  4. Dirty Laundry- Kelly Rowland
  5. Waves- Mr. Probz ft Chris Brown, T.I.
  6. Autumn Leaves- Chris Brown
  7. Suitcase- Emeli Sande
  8. Disappear- Beyonce
  9. This Time- John Legend
  10. Where I stood- Missy Higgins
  11. You lost me- Christina Aguilera
  12. Clown- Emeli Sande
  13. I never told you- Colbie Caillat
  14. Take Care- Drake (Full Album)
  15. Flaws and All- Beyonce

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Hurt by Christina Aguilera

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ohhh ohhh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you’ve done
Forgive all your mistakes
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you, but I know you won’t be there

I’m sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn’t do
And I’ve hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside, but I won’t admit
Sometimes I just want to hide ’cause it’s you I miss
You know it’s so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I’m sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn’t do
And I’ve hurt myself

If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I’ve missed you since you’ve been away

Oh, it’s dangerous
It’s so out of line to try to turn back time

I’m sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn’t do
And I’ve hurt myself

By hurting you

Build A Fortress Around Your Positivity

Humans are emotional beings. Not just women (contrary to popular chauvinistic beliefs) but the entire human race.  We thrive off of emotions. These emotions are given and received in the form of verbal communication and body language between one another. We internalize these interactions and process these encounters as energy. Both negative and positive.  We exchange energy with each-other sometimes purposely and other times unintentionally.

How often have you been having a really great day and suddenly someone makes one rude comment or does one single pet peeve of yours and it robs you of your pleasant attitude and casts a cloud of negativity over your mood for the remainder of your day? Ex: “Oh girl, you have gained so much weight!”  The sting of the insult will hit you immediately.  But it will be  the after burn that lingers  and quietly attacks your positive energy repeatedly. Never-mind that A. Most insults are self reflective of the insult-er. And B. There almost always has to be a pre-existing insecurity within ourselves in order for an insult to be able to reach us in a way that affects the way we feel.

Sometimes it can be a series of events that renders you grumpy or somber. You wake up late, you can’t find your keys, you step in dog poop (and you don’t even have a dog), someone parks in your space at work, and to add insult to injury you have toilette tissue hanging from your underwear that no one bothered to mention until lunchtime. That chain of mishaps could kill even Gandhi’s vibe.

What about the energy robbers that come in the form of family and close friends?  Let us not be so naive as to assume that energy robbers are all dressed in red with two horns and a pitch fork. Sometimes the people who you look to for encouragement, love, and support can  you leave you feeling used, judged, or discouraged instead. You know why?  Because the people that  you love the most and know you best have the most access to your energy and place of peace. These are people that you trust and welcome into your mental space. They don’t have to breach the walls of security that you have built around your positivity. In some instances we build our positivity around them and their opinions of us. Wrong and ugly when you see it written out but none the less true. The family members that always make you travel the distance to interact with them.  It’s always your turn to buy/and or cook dinner. Hey, family time is priceless especially when its at your expense. The friends that sneak in jovial jabs and launch attacks on your personal character wrapped up in polite tones. The disrespectful comments disguised by light laughs and sly smiles. They carry out kamikaze missions on your train of thought and you don’t even recognize you’ve been affected until they are long gone. You are left only replaying the series of events that took place and assessing the loss of positive energy and energy in general.

How do you build a fortress around your positivity? You can’t cut off all human interactions and live blissfully in seclusion. Can you? How do you protect your peace in the shuffle of shenanigans that we call life? Every instance of threatened frustration and unnerving encounters are necessary nuisances. Sometimes the destination is the journey. The true meaning of peace is the ability to maintain your focus on what is positive in the midst of all that poses the potential to be negative around you. Peace is the practice of disallowing negative energy, people, or things to penetrate the fortress you have built around your positivity.

It starts with perspective. Looking at things from a different outlook than your instinctive reaction or trained thought process. So, you stepped in dog poop. Train your mind to immediately search for the positive. Hey; atleast I have two working feet to be able step in dog poop. Well, you walked around with toilette tissue hanging from your bottom. Appreciate the comfort in knowing that people can now be certain you have a clean bottom. These are all comical and dramatic examples I know. But the point is to create the habit of finding the positive in all situations and focus on that.  Strengthen the core of your being and the center of your thought process around constantly being, thinking, and living positively. The idea is to build up an automatic response pattern of being so positive that negative things are unable to reach the peace that rests in your center. It starts from the core of your being outward. Conditioning yourself to instinctively protect your positivity.

 

“Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart….” ~author unknown

Finding Peace in Pieces

pink roadWhen I first decided to write a blog I told myself that it would be a place for single mothers. A place to share stories and struggles of heartbreak, parenting styles, crafting ideas, thoughts, lessons, and anything else that could be considered as therapeutic or helpful to others. But the more that I thought things through I had to take an honest look outside of myself and my personal circumstances. Women raising children in solitude are not the only ones struggling to find peace within painfully chaotic lives. A broken heart is a broken heart no matter how it was broken, no matter how many pieces it was shattered into.  The physical or figurative tears that have stained your pillows were no less wet or salty than those that I have shed. A lost lover, a passed on loved one, loss of a pregnancy, loss of a job, loss of yourself, loss of your way, etc. It doesn’t make a difference what/who or how; you still lost it. You suffered a loss and it left you lost. None of us are different in that way.  So please forgive me for my previous discriminatory thoughts and allow me to welcome you here. Welcome to Finding Peace in Pieces .com. It is my goal for this to be blog a place containing encouraging words and reminders of the strength that trying times and situations can create within you. I would like to share examples of simple day to day strife’s that many of us can relate to and examples of how we managed to survive.  Pain travels 60 centimeters per second and is almost always temporary. The feeling of love travels at the speed of light and lasts forever. Even withstanding death love survives. Love is eternal. Together day by day one piece at a time we will find our way back to peace. Love will be the glue that holds the broken pieces in place to make you whole once more. I will share my knowledge, information, lessons, research, pain, and anecdotes with you here. I hope you can find a piece of something here you can use in your quest for peace of mind.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you”

~Rumi

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